This is going to be a hard entry for me to write. Annalise broke her leg the beginning of September and it has been a very difficult and long journey of healing. I have been avoiding writing it but I know I want to share all the things I have learned watching Annalise and our family go through this difficult time.
On September 9th it was raining. It was a Monday and we were stuck inside all day. I usually take the girls swimming but because of the dark clouds and continual drizzle I wasn't able. I suggested that the girls watch a movie instead, so Nora picked out a Tinkerbelle movie. Annalise had asked to go outside and because I'm a lazy Mom, I said no because I didn't want to clean up any mud. Well, Annalise at some point slipped outside and I hadn't noticed. I started looking for her all over the house and I realized that she wasn't there. I figured she went outside, which she is totally allowed to do and does do all the time but I didn't want her to that day because of the mud. I look outside and I see her rolling on the ground in the mud. I was so confused, I thought she went outside JUST to get all muddy. I saw that she was crying and I rushed out there. She was holding her leg and next to her our free standing cement mixer was knocked over. We've had the mixer in the backyard for almost as long as we have had Annalise in our family. We have never had an issue with it. However, the dogs had been digging near and Todd moved it. I think the combination of the dogs digging and the rain made the ground weak around it. Somehow Annalise knocked the cement mixer down and broke her leg in the process. I tried to move the leg she was holding and it felt wrong. It didn't have the resistance it usually would. I tried to get her to stand but she started crying harder. Nope. I knew it was broke. I just knew it. I was going to take her to an urgent care but I knew they would just send her to the emergency room. All the hospitals are far from here so I got the girls in the car and rushed to St. Jo's, where I deliver. It's about 40 minutes away and all the time Annalise is only crying it I stop the car at a light. If the car was moving she was fine. She broke her femur, which is suppose to be extremely painful because of how strong the bone is and how much force it takes to break it. She never screamed. She cried but never screamed, which shows she's a tough kid. We get to the emergency room and they admit her right away. They take X-rays - yep, it's broken. They try to get her comfortable and then they plan to set her leg. Unfortunately, St. Jo's doesn't do pediatrics so we have to send her, by an ambulance, to another local hospital. GAH! They drug her, get her leg set and finally Todd comes. Only one person could ride in the ambulance and Nora was with me. I needed Todd there to help so he left work early. We waited for 2 hours for that stupid ambulance to show up - we should have just taken her and driven her over ourselves. She was stable and it wouldn't cost a billion dollars. Oh, well. At this point it was well past dinner time so I grabbed Nora and we went to get food from a local deli (which too FOREVER) and we missed Todd and Annalise leaving in the ambulance. We met them over at the other hospital where we waited for ANOTHER hour for a doctor to come in and he spoke for like 5 minutes, got interrupted and never came back. Annalise was so hungry at this point, it was well after 10 and they wouldn't let her eat unless they knew when they would get her into surgery to get the cast put on. They finally decided on the following morning. Todd stayed with her and I took Nora home to sleep and arrange somewhere for her to go in the morning.
As we were leaving I noticed in the ER there was a room where all these doctors and nurses were waiting outside as they ushered in a family. Based on the crying of the family and faces of the staff I knew it was a child dying. We were in the pediatric wing and that night someone lost they child. I found myself crying on the long drive home. Partly out of the stress of the day, but mostly out of gratitude. Things could have been SO much worse. The cement mixer could have crushed Annalise's head, her chest or broken her back. As horrible as the stress and difficulty of watching Annalise in pain was I never once feared for her life. A femur is a horrible and painful break, BUT it will heal and she's be find. I could have lost her that day or had her have a very different life. That's how quickly things can change. I am so grateful for a break, a momentary inconvenience - not a huge life changing event.
That night was extremely difficult for Annalise and for Todd. Every time Annalise started to fall asleep she would jerk, which would move her leg and of course wake her up. She'd cry out and then try to fall asleep again. Todd held her hand the whole night and couldn't sleep since she kept crying out. Todd spent the whole night watching Annalise in pain. I can tell from the look in his eyes now that it was extremely painful and difficult for him to watch his little girl in so much pain. He had left his truck at the other hospital when he rode over with Annalise and he decided to walk the several miles to pick it up. He said he needed sometime to process the night and it was good for him.
The following morning I show up at the hospital after dropping off Nora and Annalise was coming out of surgery. They had to put her under in order to get the cast on her. Because of her age, they said they didn't need to pin her leg or anything, she's young enough that her bones with mend. Todd and I were both there when she came out of drug haze and she wanted me to cuddle her. I climbed onto the bed and held her close. She was so brave.
We watched TV, I ordered food and we spent the day hanging out in her room. The only sleep she had was from the surgery so she kept fighting her heavy eyelids. By the end of the day she was struggling to sleep. She was on a lot of morphine and still wasn't able to sleep. My friend Cindy stopped by after work and she took these pictures.
Can you see how tired we both were?
She looked so small in this huge hospital bed
She was so happy to have her blankey and pillow - she wouldn't let anyone take them from her.
She FINALLY fell asleep and that was finally the turning point for her. She slept for a few hours and was feeling so much better after that. Todd and our home teacher, James Hall, showed up that night and gave Annalise a blessing. Todd stayed with her and I went home to sleep and be with Nora. I was disappointed she had to stay another night in the hospital. She was always courteous to all the staff, and with her awesome language skills and sweet face she was a favorite with the staff. I could tell she was done with the hospital and wanted to be home. She would get tense whenever a nurse came in. Her expression would drop and the moment they left she was totally happy again.
The following day I showed up, got a special car seat installed (there is a special car seat for kids with Annalise's cast called Spica Cast Car Seats. They run about $700 and the insurance doesn't cover it. Of course. We were lucky enough that they just happened to have a program start where they will lend out the car seat to you IF you get someone to inspect and sign off on it first. BAH! Huge stress trying to find someone, get inspected all while my kid is in the hospital and my husband is needed at work. At least I got it done, right?) and Todd went to work. Annalise had to have her entire body X-rayed. The said it was to make sure nothing else got broken in the fall, but I know it's to make sure that Todd and I don't beat her. We go to get the X-rays done and Annalise, despite how painful it is to be moved, sits quietly as they photograph every-single-bone in her body. SO many X-rays. She was amazing. I cried more than she did. The X-ray tech had heard that a 2 year old was coming for X-rays and he took out his hearing aid. He expected for her to scream and be freaked out. Because I was 5 month pregnant I wasn't able to stand next to her while they did it. She just was the bravest little person I have ever seen. I know a lot of people say that their kid is awesome, or really impresses them but I would be SO impressed even if she wasn't my kid. She was tough, brave and simply amazing. That had to be scary and painful. She bore it with such grace. I truly have a very special little spirit in my home.
Finally her pain was under control enough for her to be released. I was so over joyed to get to take her home. Of course it wasn't easy, they wouldn't wheel me all the way to my vehicle so I had to carry this 50 pound (thanks to the cast) little girl carefully to the car while I'm 5 months pregnant. Of course some big truck parked next to me and I couldn't get her in her side of the car. And that special seat I just HAD to have? When it was installed it wasn't fitted for her first - so she didn't fit and I couldn't adjust it because I had nowhere to put her down. She rode home in Nora's car seat. At one point she started to cry and I told her there was nothing I could do for her. It was so sad and she was in pain from being in a bumpy car. At one point I told her that we could either go back to the hospital or we can be tough and brave and get home. It was her choice. She said home and didn't cry for the rest of the trip, although I know it was painful. What kind of 2 year old has that much ability to make a choice and not to complain?
The following week was rough but people brought us meals and watched Nora. My back would hurt every night from lifting Annalise up and dealing with a big bulky cast. We're still dealing with it. But at least she's here, with us. And we are damn lucky to have that.
With All My Love,
Your Mother
You are all amazing and we are so glad it is almost over! The whole family has been in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI know it's been hard, but you are handling it well. Keep it up.
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