Mother's Day Reflections

Dear Castillo Children,

Today was Mother's Day! The best part of today was, by far, getting to sleep in and having my two beautiful girls come in to wake me up. Nora was carrying a balloon that says: "Happy Mother's Day" and in her most cheerful voice she announced to me: Happy Birthday! My sweet husband had made me chocolate crepes and got the girls all ready to see me. After breakfast we sat down and I got a present! A home-made card from my girls (adorable!) and a present wrapped in home-made wrapping paper. Todd took some paper and had the girls paint on it with some water colors and then wrapped the present. The card was very sweet. He drew his hand and each of the girl's hands on the same paper. I know I will cherish it forever. The present was a Kindle Fire! I have been thinking about getting one instead of going the smart phone route. I'm starting to think I don't even need a cell phone since I am home about 90% of the time. I have decided to take a step back from phones. I just want a little pay-as-you-go phone for emergency's and a home phone. Home phones work off of your Internet now so I feel no real need to have a phone service that isn't one of those one time cost phone sets. Anyway - the Kindle will works as my entertainment/book for when I am stuck places and it has wi-fi so I can surf at home. I am so excited for it!

Today at church I gave a talk. Since it was Mother's Day I spoke about mothers. I was originally suppose to speak in church in March about temples. I SO would have preferred to talk about temples than to discuss Motherhood. I had SUCH a hard week with my girls and felt so alone. Nora has decided to embrace the Terrible Twos. I thought I had escaped them but they showed up and they are TERRIBLE. She yells, says no to everything, gets mad and pushes her sister and throws fits. FITS! AHHH! Today in nursery she got put in time out for hitting another kid over the head with a puzzle. Who does she think she is!? A member of the WWE? Crazy baby.

Anyway, in my talk at church I explained that on bad days with my girls I make cookies. I like to make cookies and just eat them after they go to sleep. I make them and we enjoy making them and eating cookie dough together. This week I made cookies 3 times. It was a bad week. I don't know how much of it was my hormones and how much of it was Nora being 2. It was most likely a combo of the two. I had a hard time talking to my mom on the phone since Nora decides that it is a perfect time to take whatever Annalise is playing with, causing screams that would make you think that Nora actually stole her arm from her. <sigh>

I know these are hard days. I felt really down on Friday since I had the realization that I didn't have any deep friendships with the women in the city I live in. I love the women here, I think they are some of the neatest women I have met, but I struggle to have a friendship that is deeper. I have realized it is because I am too exhausted and emotionally drained to make the effort to make friends and to invest and cultivate a friendship in order for it to grow. Not my season, I guess. I wish we could just jump into the "we're best friends that tell each other everything" moment without having to make the emotional commitment. I can see how women get obsessed with Soap Opera because without friends you need to invest in someones life other than your own. Soap Opera take no more emotional investment than turning on the TV at the correct time.

However, at the end of it all, I am so grateful that I am a mother. I am especially glad I get to be a stay at home mother. I have friends that would love to be able to do that for their children but because of finances cannot do it. It takes sacrifices. It really does. But I feel at the end of the day my children are worth any sacrifice. We don't get to travel like I want to because of our small children and financial sacrifices. We don't have a lot of "stuff" some of my friends have but I have the knowledge that I gave all to my children and that's what brings me joy and peace. Some days I want to hand them off to the nearest person but I am at the end of the day so grateful for them. As I spoke in my talk today - they are both my greatest blessing and my biggest trial.

I love you dearly, my children. I was watching a nature show with your dad about lionesses protecting their cubs and how much they are willing to sacrifice so much for them. I hope at the end of the day you know how much I am willing to protect and sacrifice for you. That I love you to the ends of the earth and back.

With All My Love,
Your Mother